An Invitation
By Baba Prayag
Perhaps you’ve already come to understand, or at least have a vague idea of the mission of Ashtanga Village, but it might also help to guide your process to hear what the seed of our desired growth is. As I share my experience, you possibly will here some parallels or similarities to your own. The way or the path that we took to get here isn’t as important as the being here.
So how did I get here? I believe that in this current incarnation, I’ve been working my way towards this moment for awhile. Ever since I was a child I was sensitive to the idea that there was something more out there than what I could observe through my five senses (I hadn’t yet tapped into the sixth). What’s more, I strongly felt that the narrative I was given or told to believe was somehow not quite true.
Most of my life to this point has been spent simply participating in society as much (or at times, as little) as I could. I was doing all the things that we are supposed to do here in the United States - I got married, went to church, got an education, had children, got a good job, bought a house, etc etc. All of it though, seemed to fall short of this thing that was calling to me from somewhere deep within my heart.
That thing found its way to the surface through the dumpster fire that was the years 2019 and 2020. Like the worn out lines of a blues song, 2019 offered up the painful experiences of my dog dying, my best friend moving across the country, and getting a divorce after 14 years of marriage. All of that culminated with a global pandemic in 2020, which to add insult to injury, effectively caused me to lose my job.
My heart, which used to pour out love, was now consumed by anger, sadness, fear, disgust, and suffering. Although I had dealt with depression my whole life as a byproduct of chronic illness, I now found myself in the very unsettling realm of suicidal ideation. The agony of my personal struggles coupled with those of the world at large - millions of people dying, heightened cultural tensions, the political unrest of the United States, all of it just felt like too much to bear.
Although the deafening silence of quarantine created some incredibly difficult moments, it also provided moments of quiet reflection and contemplation. My thoughts initially were very unhelpful, coming from a perspective of hopelessness - What the f**k is happening? Why me? What the hell is wrong with people? With me? What’s the point of living?
Within the smoldering ashes of the life I had previously know was a seed that was starting to grow. Germinated by the white-hot flames of those two years, was a new life, a new beginning. Instead of those questions having a bitterness to them, they now had the sweetness of possibility - What is happening? Who am I? How did we get here? Where do I belong? …and the biggest question of all, What is the point of living?
The answers to those questions are of course not always quite clear. Understanding their meaning, or perhaps even just accepting it as truth, isn’t easy. The point of living is to have these experiences. Not only the incredibly painful ones but also the ones that are equally incredibly fulfilling. It’s through these experiences and sharing them with others, that we find all of the answers we seek. So, the main thing I learned though this trial by fire and (relative) isolation, is that we are not meant to find these answers alone.
So I hope you will join me on this quest for knowledge and understanding. You are formally invited to become a part of this community. This is a family that welcomes you, just as you are, with open arms and a warm embrace. You are loved. You belong here. You are home.
With peace and loving-kindness. Namaste.
